:-o~~~~~

Every one of my friends knows what they want to do after school. Ranging from a rocket scientist to a politician, they aim big too. Only I'm not joking. I don't know what I want to do. I do know that I don't want to be here any more. I don't aim high like my friends because I know I don't do as well as they do. I never panick until every one else talks about it. Basically I just don't like getting older!

S&E is tomorrow and I am very excited.

On Days Friends Leave

I had to write a poem for English, and I hate writing poems. Most of the time. So I started writing about a friend who is leaving. It reminded me of other friends that have left in the past, so I wrote with them in mind too. Even back to third grade... then in a parking lot I saw this kid who I could never get along with. I had never disliked a person more then this kid, who I smiled at for some reason.
People come and go and it's weird. We talked in English last week about why things happen, and if everything does for reason. I think the people we meet and depart from all have some signifigance in who we are.
With that said, I am making an effort not to hang out with the people I have been. I stopped being around so many old friends and now it makes me feel bad. Especially now that one of my best friends last year is going to be gone. It's only one semester but for some reason I think it will be the hardest good-bye.
Above all, when I truely seek God, I feel much better about things.

Autumn Leaves

I really can't wait for OneThing now. I am very discouraged lately, and I don't know why but I feel pretty low too. I read a book Sunnie gave to me called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was really very interesting, and I felt like there were a few things that I could relate to. Not to the extent of LSD and sex.. but I really think that only people who don't truely know Jesus are depressed. I really think that. That's why I am afraid of being this sad. :-/

Secrets.

So I thought it was funny when Riverview started doing a series about PostSecret. It's really neat and eye opening. Why do we get so upset when people find out about things that we didn't really want them to know about...when God knows EVERYTHING. I think I should be more worried about that. Often times I don't care. It was ironic, this happening the same night.

I realized how incredibly stupid I am, this weekend. I did some stupid things. And I didn't do some things this weekend which got me in more trouble.

I also realized that even when we are scared and don't know how to do something, if God says to do it, then I'll be okay. I have to do some skit-drama for church kind of about that. That silly skit taught me exactly that.

I also learned that if God answered my prayers about little things when I was younger, surely he cares about things that seem much bigger now. I'm ridiculous some times and forget that I can just ask him.

I already knew these things I guess but sometimes I need to be reminded. I feel like I leave God out of certain areas of my life. This next week will be the longest in a very long time. We won again in play-offs, so more marching. I guess this is exciting. I know this sounds weird but I'd really like to do nothing on Friday nights. I want to go home and do home work and go to sleep. Somehow after games I always get dragged into staying up way too late, getting up early on Saturday and the same for the rest of the week end. I can't even think straight now. I can't wait for Battle of the Bands.

I hit a squirrel today...

...because I was speeding and passing people all over the place. I looked back and he kind of wriggled and then stopped. Squirrels mate for life, so I just killed the equivalent of someone's spouse. A little dramatic? Maybe, but it did not make me happy.
What did make me happy was ending something that was getting to be ridiculous tonight. Someone *cough* DAVID WARNER *cough* kind of barged in, so I didn't get to finish everything. But I am okay now. I have found out also that the strongest person I know is having the same problems as I. Junior year so far has sucked. Honestly. But at least now I know that I have someone back that I'd been missing for a long time.
But I have always had someone. I know this.
I feel as though I have not slept in days. I have felt like Holden Coalfield lately too. In that, I think I could possibly be crazy sometimes. And I feel like everything around me is so depressing sometimes. I watched someone today watch a tape of their dreams, that all came true. And then were just one day gone, their own fault of course. But you'd have to know the person. I know more than anything after today that I do not ever want to do what they did. But to see a person watch everything that they could have been, whoa it killed me. I pray lately just to see encouraging things. I don't know if that made any sense. Any way I have so much home work that I have not even thought about. It is ridiculous. I need to quit having a social life. Only so serious. I am in soooo deep.

Money saved for KC OneThing: $26. And that was just in this week, with lunch money and money I was given for Uncle John's Cider Mill. Abby I am coming.

Apache

This week was very intersesting. Monday seems like forever ago, because so much happened. Craziness.

It is always good talknig to Abby. She called at the exact moment I really needed someone. I am a stupid frickin' sheep. I know. I don't understand this all yet but I know what I need to do. Wow it will be hard to explain this though. But oh well. I can't worry about others so much. I don't need to put my dogs in other people's battles....cos it is illegal or something. Tonight was very ...awkward.

Tonight was the best show marching wise, I feel yet. I never thought I'd say it but I can't wait until it is over. :-p

Raise your hand if you're gay...oh.

AP Gov takes over my life lately. I almost wish that I had not been raised to beleive in God.. it would be easier to understand people who don't belive. I can't understand a lot of the time how it doesn't make sense to people. Talking to Jake last night about it helped a bit. He pointed out that I won't always know everything to say and that it isn't about that. I should be telling him that. Wow did I feel stupid. Seeing everyone last night was great. Even though it was so quick. I left a party early to see them all. Only after settling a few things... Things have changed so much, but I still love hanging out with these people.

Last night was the Light Show, and also we played Everett (sp?) Anyway, very big deal. My lights all fell, haha. I played so loudly, my lips very very shot. Some people really went all out with lights, I was impressed. We won. Last Wednesday was the Grand Ledge Exhibition. We did really well. Grand Ledge was really great to see. They're huge. And then MSU was amazing. Wow. I really want to do that. It's probably my biggest dream right now exccpet for painting the rock.

Then speaking of dreams, we should find out this month if Evan is going to DC for the senate page program. Whoa. I wouldn't be such a baby if they didn't take away their cell phones. :-/ That is a looooong time with out talking. But he will be crushed if he doesn't make it in. We had been fighting a lot lately, but we talked last night. Not as much as I would have liked. And even though I have three classes with him it still feels as though I never see him. But AP Gov takes over all our lives. Really.