:-o~~~~~

Every one of my friends knows what they want to do after school. Ranging from a rocket scientist to a politician, they aim big too. Only I'm not joking. I don't know what I want to do. I do know that I don't want to be here any more. I don't aim high like my friends because I know I don't do as well as they do. I never panick until every one else talks about it. Basically I just don't like getting older!

S&E is tomorrow and I am very excited.

On Days Friends Leave

I had to write a poem for English, and I hate writing poems. Most of the time. So I started writing about a friend who is leaving. It reminded me of other friends that have left in the past, so I wrote with them in mind too. Even back to third grade... then in a parking lot I saw this kid who I could never get along with. I had never disliked a person more then this kid, who I smiled at for some reason.
People come and go and it's weird. We talked in English last week about why things happen, and if everything does for reason. I think the people we meet and depart from all have some signifigance in who we are.
With that said, I am making an effort not to hang out with the people I have been. I stopped being around so many old friends and now it makes me feel bad. Especially now that one of my best friends last year is going to be gone. It's only one semester but for some reason I think it will be the hardest good-bye.
Above all, when I truely seek God, I feel much better about things.

Autumn Leaves

I really can't wait for OneThing now. I am very discouraged lately, and I don't know why but I feel pretty low too. I read a book Sunnie gave to me called The Perks of Being a Wallflower. It was really very interesting, and I felt like there were a few things that I could relate to. Not to the extent of LSD and sex.. but I really think that only people who don't truely know Jesus are depressed. I really think that. That's why I am afraid of being this sad. :-/

Secrets.

So I thought it was funny when Riverview started doing a series about PostSecret. It's really neat and eye opening. Why do we get so upset when people find out about things that we didn't really want them to know about...when God knows EVERYTHING. I think I should be more worried about that. Often times I don't care. It was ironic, this happening the same night.

I realized how incredibly stupid I am, this weekend. I did some stupid things. And I didn't do some things this weekend which got me in more trouble.

I also realized that even when we are scared and don't know how to do something, if God says to do it, then I'll be okay. I have to do some skit-drama for church kind of about that. That silly skit taught me exactly that.

I also learned that if God answered my prayers about little things when I was younger, surely he cares about things that seem much bigger now. I'm ridiculous some times and forget that I can just ask him.

I already knew these things I guess but sometimes I need to be reminded. I feel like I leave God out of certain areas of my life. This next week will be the longest in a very long time. We won again in play-offs, so more marching. I guess this is exciting. I know this sounds weird but I'd really like to do nothing on Friday nights. I want to go home and do home work and go to sleep. Somehow after games I always get dragged into staying up way too late, getting up early on Saturday and the same for the rest of the week end. I can't even think straight now. I can't wait for Battle of the Bands.

I hit a squirrel today...

...because I was speeding and passing people all over the place. I looked back and he kind of wriggled and then stopped. Squirrels mate for life, so I just killed the equivalent of someone's spouse. A little dramatic? Maybe, but it did not make me happy.
What did make me happy was ending something that was getting to be ridiculous tonight. Someone *cough* DAVID WARNER *cough* kind of barged in, so I didn't get to finish everything. But I am okay now. I have found out also that the strongest person I know is having the same problems as I. Junior year so far has sucked. Honestly. But at least now I know that I have someone back that I'd been missing for a long time.
But I have always had someone. I know this.
I feel as though I have not slept in days. I have felt like Holden Coalfield lately too. In that, I think I could possibly be crazy sometimes. And I feel like everything around me is so depressing sometimes. I watched someone today watch a tape of their dreams, that all came true. And then were just one day gone, their own fault of course. But you'd have to know the person. I know more than anything after today that I do not ever want to do what they did. But to see a person watch everything that they could have been, whoa it killed me. I pray lately just to see encouraging things. I don't know if that made any sense. Any way I have so much home work that I have not even thought about. It is ridiculous. I need to quit having a social life. Only so serious. I am in soooo deep.

Money saved for KC OneThing: $26. And that was just in this week, with lunch money and money I was given for Uncle John's Cider Mill. Abby I am coming.

Apache

This week was very intersesting. Monday seems like forever ago, because so much happened. Craziness.

It is always good talknig to Abby. She called at the exact moment I really needed someone. I am a stupid frickin' sheep. I know. I don't understand this all yet but I know what I need to do. Wow it will be hard to explain this though. But oh well. I can't worry about others so much. I don't need to put my dogs in other people's battles....cos it is illegal or something. Tonight was very ...awkward.

Tonight was the best show marching wise, I feel yet. I never thought I'd say it but I can't wait until it is over. :-p

Raise your hand if you're gay...oh.

AP Gov takes over my life lately. I almost wish that I had not been raised to beleive in God.. it would be easier to understand people who don't belive. I can't understand a lot of the time how it doesn't make sense to people. Talking to Jake last night about it helped a bit. He pointed out that I won't always know everything to say and that it isn't about that. I should be telling him that. Wow did I feel stupid. Seeing everyone last night was great. Even though it was so quick. I left a party early to see them all. Only after settling a few things... Things have changed so much, but I still love hanging out with these people.

Last night was the Light Show, and also we played Everett (sp?) Anyway, very big deal. My lights all fell, haha. I played so loudly, my lips very very shot. Some people really went all out with lights, I was impressed. We won. Last Wednesday was the Grand Ledge Exhibition. We did really well. Grand Ledge was really great to see. They're huge. And then MSU was amazing. Wow. I really want to do that. It's probably my biggest dream right now exccpet for painting the rock.

Then speaking of dreams, we should find out this month if Evan is going to DC for the senate page program. Whoa. I wouldn't be such a baby if they didn't take away their cell phones. :-/ That is a looooong time with out talking. But he will be crushed if he doesn't make it in. We had been fighting a lot lately, but we talked last night. Not as much as I would have liked. And even though I have three classes with him it still feels as though I never see him. But AP Gov takes over all our lives. Really.

blah!

Tonight just kind of sucked. I love these kids, but things change. So quickly. I thought I wanted it to be like old times, but I didn't really. I can't re-create past times any way. I thought I was upset with the way things were, but I shouldn't have been. So I am glad I figured that out... and I guess I am just done. I really just want to curl up in a ball most of the time lately and not talk to anyone. I'm not being emo, I'm not depressed, I am fine. I really really hate football though.

First show...

I don't know what happened. It was just a mess somehow. We'll have many run-throughs by the next game though. But wow, some of that was just terrible.

School is great. I love my AP Gov and honors English classes, everything about them. All my friends are in them. But FST and Chem suck, pretty much. Chemistry is easy, so far. I own in FST. I'm learning so much in Gov, I love it.

Then band class, of course = amazazing. But tonight... :o~~~~

I got to talk to one of my favorite trumpets tonight about Jesus and stuff. She was raised catholic and just recently started going to Cedar Street. :) She wants to get baptised soon. I love having her to talk to.

Then for some reason it was really good to see Jake tonight.
I'm so tired and just done with stupid crap from this past week. We're going to get better. And I did fine with out my lyre tonight, so.. woohoo.
Spring

Rain, rain.. stay a while.

I love the rain, I don't know why. I love sitting in Beaner's in the rain the most, and walking in it. I hung out with Heather for the first time in too long. I hung out with Mava, Alyson, and Amelia last week. I am tired of going into stores and being stupid. Honestly I'm bored of all of that.

For some reason some of the new trumpets are very dramatic. =p It makes me laugh. It makes me laugh more when they ask me what to do! They truely are a blessing though and I think God will use them to show me things. He already has really.

I am sooo ready for school. Change needs to happen and I need to be busy. I am less distracted honestly when I am busier. I'm never too busy God though, I just need to stop wasting time.

I'm kind of in a weird daze. Maybe it's all the Coldplay. Maybe it's my coping mechanism with change.. Maybe it's because I haven't read today. :-/

Waiting sucks.

Band camp went just perfectly. All my worries for this year are gone. We will do just fine. In fact we are about to kick some major butt!

I am very confused and anxious at the moment though. I am so ready for school to start. Like NOW. I hate the way thing are sometimes but I understand that God takes care of us. It's just the waiting to see what will happen. 2 Corinthians 6:14 I want to loose one of my best friends so badly..

Into marvelous light I'm running...

Wow. That was everyhting I hoped for. Being seperated from everything at home sucked but at the same time put me into a real peace. Phones don't work there. I don't know what it is. I saw the hardest heart just break down this week. I have seen how badly God wants us. In a place like this, it is so easy to listen. And Music is amazing.
I could talk up camp all day but more thna anything I want to shower, read, and play my trumpet right now. I brought it, and played a bit to save lips. And I played taps every night, which was fun.
For the first time when returning to camp, I did not feel like crap. I didn't think to myself, oh what a screw-up, and I didn't rely on camp turning me around. I didn't feel... totally lost. Though I am a terrible sinner and I have so far to go. So Abby, thanks. I was really neat having OBC youth there too. Any way..

Spring

For some reason

6am is so sobering.

Yesterday went terribly..

New respect for Lael...

Monday night was amazing. First, I got to see the famous Kris Edler speak and he was great. (Although he contradicted Abby totally. Don't worry, we will correct everything after she leaves) Just kidding. Kris stressed three main points, praying, fasting, and friends. Like fellowship and being around positive people. But Reading our Bible is no doubt so important. I have gained a new respect for Lael.

Coming home Monday just felt like old days (like a year ago :-p) and everything seemed okay then. I haven't talked to a few people in days, when I have really needed to, but somehow I feel like everything is okay...

Sectional today...I just saw some mormons outside and felt the strong urge to go talk with them, but I don't know why. Side tracking.. I really don't want to go today because most likely, the last 1/3 of the section leader mess will be there and take over where she...didn't leave off. Puke. I really want things to go well. There go the mormons again,what could I say to them? Why are you deceiving the world? Haha

Anyway Wednesday I woke up with a panicky feeling, for no reason. I had been arguing with Evan which always sucks, but for some reason he made me feel a lot better Tuesday and we just dropped what we were arguing about. That is what I love about guys, they forget and don't care.

Abby. I love your guts. I hope everything ended the way you wanted. You have amazing friends and family but I know you will forget all about Holt when you get back home. :-p What would you say to a mormon?

Spring

I wanna see this

Drum Corps!

June 30th!

I'm such a geek..

Will! I want to watch your band jam! Tell me whenn...

trumpet nerd rantings...

So I am excited for Ichthus tomorrow...I have not packed at all and don't really plan to until the last minute. Very excited to see Switchfoot, no LT. :'(

Today I met some of the new Trumpets...and I am still not any less excited.
Having 80's music has not made me less excited for this year. That would be silly.
Everyone quitting or switching to ICKY BARITONE kind of was a let down.
Having such ridiculously easy music did not make me any less excited, but kind of disappointed.
Decisions made by Mr. E have kind of baffled me and caused drama. I have found that Sam and I are both a bit timid but maybe if people would quit trying to hold our hands...
Anyway there's this kid who came today, and I have a lot of hope for him. And another that didn't show up that will carry his-...but the others scared me. In sooo many ways. I forget how much I knew...or didn't know.


I realize now though why it is so easy. :-\ I wish more than anything they could come back somehow because I never really wanted this.

Guess who made Varsity Cheer-leading?! Sonja, duh!

Springgg

Abby & drugs

Ebpm182: I don't think this life is semi-charmed...
Ebpm182: and drugs don't get you through it.
abbysec: haha they do for me
Ebpm182: hahahaha
abbysec: how do you think I put up with the Sunday School class?


Too funny.

Skipping School

I'm sick. Sort of. :D Well, I felt like crap last night and thought there was no way I'd go. So I slept in and when I did wake up I though hey I don;t feel too bad. So now I am bored and wish I were at school. I hate missing it.

I hope we don't play Alex Freeman's song today because I kind of have the only copy of the solo I think... That would be an akward 8ms. By the way I want to major in music Abby.

In other news, bowling is lame, and reserving lanes should be done a month in advance :/ I don't even want to go. But I love the Trumpets...

Then the Omega course is amazing and I am disapointed that not more people are showing. I'm gonna shank a ho. We definitely need to spend more time on it though.

ICHTHUS! Is coming and everyone is going. Because I said so. When is this fundraiser concert? Any way it's happening. Heather has gone since the first year and it is unfair to say oh maybe you can go... But fueling two vehicles would raise the price. So this fundraiser sounds pretty nifty. :D Lemme know if help is needed.

Someone come save me.

Spring

Friday the 13th

So my best friend/ twin sister would not let me skip first hour with her this morning! She went to Beaners! Without me.

I messed up this solo with Sam, failing once again. He messed up too though, and then messed me up, so it's okay.

I also said some really mean things to some people today. :-\ I know what I need to do...

and I am sick and therefore sound really nasaly and funny. So I dont sing in the car, haha.

Today was good though. And it is Friday. God always does the opposite of what I think will happen. Which always works out better. :D I haven't seen my dad in three weeks, so I think I might just hang out with him today.

Spring

11 April 2007

Today was sweet. Other than the snow, haha. I think it is the funniest thing. I drove to school today and was kind of scared about driving home... but Dave saved us. The Ping Pong Tournament was this morning, and I got 3.5 NHS hours in... that I don't need! But I had a lot of fun even though I did not play. I know it is evil but I have to admit it feels good to watch someone who always wins, loose for a change. It's the whole letting God take care of revenge... On the other hand it hurts to see your heroes not win. Little things like this dont matter much though.

No matter what happens next year, I want to start meeting with the Trumpets Wednesday mornings. I talked to Sam, who will for sure be leader next year. He thinks it's a good idea. Drumline practices every Wednesday so as a soon-to-be more-hard-core section, we should do it. I am excited.

It is crazy learning about people in History when I just visited the guy's summer palace, what a trip.

Spring